Sometimes ya just wanna cuss...and eat a Pop-Tart
Normally in this space you would find the show review BUT we got the call on the way to the Greensboro Coliseum that "One Hot Summer Night" had been changed to "One Rained Out Summer Night", with the show being moved to THIS Wednesday. I was half-tempted to post a complete BS review of the show that never happened and go into the DQ finish that occurred and Corey Edsel stinking up the joint, but either people wouldn't get it or take it seriously. I tell ya, THAT's the one reason I REALLY should be living up in Alamance County considering we now have 5 shows in 11 days up there coming up. Because of the added trip, I had to forgo my vieweing of the ECW PPV with the boys last Sunday which was a real bummer, as it turned out to live up to all the hype. Dammit.Since we have the met the minimum requirement of two, let's do the birthday shoutouts for the week to my MOM (who's out partying in Vegas right now...seriously), Atty, and Chris Collins, who's officially old enough to rock out at 21.
As far as Michael Jackson goes, I'm not shocked AT ALL and I will be truly stunned if any "beloved" celebrity actually gets convicted of any serious charges in our lifetime without concrete videotape evidence. End of story.
Lindsay Lohan has so completely destroyed her utter hotness with that damn anorexia look that I have had to notae her listing on my sidebar's "TO DO LIST" as "2003-2004 only". One of the great travesties of the modern-day do-able whores and even worse than Brittney Spears' redneck/pregnant/goober hubby drawbacks to her otherwise wonderful sluttiness.
Got to see the 4th quarter of Arena Bowl XIII between Amsterdam and Berlin this past weekend. Hey, it's the offseason so I'm bustin a nut to see any kind of professional football. Anyways, Amsterdam wins 27-21 barely surviving a 4th quarter comeback by the Thunder which made for some enthralling TV. Amsterdam's up 27-14, Berlin cuts it to 27-21 and has Amsterdam on 3rd down with like 4 1/2 minutes left at the 50 when they get called for roughing the passer. Then, on the very next series, the refs call a VERY questionable pass interference, keeping the Admirals alive. Berlin FINALLY gets the ball back but only has 90 seconds rather than the 4 1/2 if not for the penalties. Texans backup QB Dave Ragone then drove Berlin ALL the way down the field to the 22 in an incredible drive than ended with a heart-stopping batted-around-ball-in-the-end-zone which barely fell incomplete. **** 4th quarter baby. Awesome stuff that makes me miss the regular season that much more.
Tried the Marshmallow Fruit Loops cereal for the first time the other day. Yeah, it's been out for awhile now but it was finally on sale with that Food Lion MVP dealio. I tell ya one thing, if you like some sugar on your sugar in the morning, THAT is your cereal. Hell, just opening the box is almost blinding between the regular Fruit Loops and the tie-dyed marshmallows. Much like one memorable commentary line: "It's a cloudy day, but not where Rocket's standing". On the cereal scale, I'd rate it a solid **** and Spaz-arific.
I have never done a Pop-Tart rant in this space and god knows anything that's been a part of my life as long as those suckers have been definitely deserve some accolades in this space. I have walked hand-in-hand with my beloved Frosted Cherry for years and years now, only occasional partaking in her friends and sisters. I tell ya one thing, that Hot Fudge Sundae is one nasty concoction and I'm sorry I EVER went there. I wish they'd take it's pic off the back of all the other Pop-Tart boxes cause my stomach cramps ever time I see it's photo. I sure do miss the only Pop-Tart that ever gave Frosted Cherry a run for it's money...way back in '86-'87, they had a very short lived Pop-Tart in the form of....Peanut Butter and Jelly. Seriously. Hardly anyone has ever heard of these things and googling it will give you very little info. But they were made and were tremendous. One day I had the brainstorm that "MY GOD these things are so incredible, can you imagine just HOW great they would be if I actually put Peanut Butter and Jelly on TOP of a Peanut Butter and Jelly Pop-Tart???". This experiment was an unequivocal disaster which resulted in me having to dump my beloved PB & J Pop-Tart in the trash. One thing I always used to love about Pop-Tarts was the warning they put on the side of the box: "NOT suitable for microwave use". Even though it's not like your microwave was gonna implode upon injection of a Pop-Tart, they HAD to keep the gimmick alive and as we all know, a Pop-Tart can't POP in a microwave.
I'm not about to post the whole CWF record book on the BLOG again until Battlecade rolls around but since I did just finish updating, I wanted to take a moment and take note of some NEW record holders out there so feel free to go mark out for your bad self:
*Ric Converse had the second longest winning streak in company history finally ended at 12 on 5/21 with a loss to Mitch Conner. Corey Edsel holds the record at 13 back in 2002-2003. However, in that same streak, Converse DID set the record for "Most consecutive matches scoring a pin" at 12.
*Jesse Ortega has obliterated the "Most Successful Title Defenses" record, now at 14 successful defenses. Converse's current reign actually has the #2 spot at 11.
*Chris Collins has extended his "Most consecutive matches without a win" streak to 22, second-all time now behind Trent Wylde at 25. Those same statistics can be applied to the "Most consecutive matches without scoring a pin" record as well.
*Brass Munkey and American Steel Ninja have become the most successful duo in company history, recording their 21st win as a team on 5/20, breaking the original SouthSide Playas' record of 20 wins.
*By pinning American Steel Ninja on 6/4, Corey Edsel became the first man to record 50 pinfall/submissions in CWF history.
Be Cool -
Like many of my co-workers, I was just catching "Be Cool" to see the Rock (and Vince Vaughn, one of my favorite modern day actors). In that sense, the movie delivers. Both Rock and Vaughn are tremendous in their roles and easily steal every scene they're in. Of course, they're probably only in 25% of the movie which still leaves a lot to fill. And it's really not bad, just kind of...there. The opening scene leaves you with VERY high expectations for the entire film but never really hits those high notes again. Overall, it served it's purpose and was passable viewing, but not quiet to the level that you'd really want to own it. **3/4
Seed of Chucky -
I actually hadn't watched a "Chucky" movie in years and was kinda digging the chance to see this. First off, the "seed" is one creepy looking fucker who's image is one that sticks in your brain and you have nightmares about for weeks to come. They do a nice Ed Wood tribute by arguing if the kid's name is "Glen or Glenda" throughout the film. 5 stars for that. Alot of subtext in regards to raising children and the politics of Hollywood. Aside from that, the movie actually has a disturbingly darker tone than what I expected. A much smarter film than it'll ever be given credit for, but not necessarily an enjoyable one either. Tough to grade as by and large, they did make a pretty decent flick (especially for what the mainstream considers to be B-level crap), but much like "Be Cool", one viewing is probably all a person needs in their life. **1/2
Hitch -
I had SERIOUS doubts about this one as the original commercials just screamed "Hey! We're gonna pull you in with funny, albeit completely generic, comedy bits so you can pray to god that the whole film is at least this passable". Eh, it worked. Ok, first off, it's a romantic comedy so if it breaks **, it might as well be a home run. The first hour is actually enjoyably solid as even the generic, see-it-coming stuff, is strung together so well that you really don't mind. Will Smith actually does an excellent job and the pacing is superb. Kevin James is great as well. And then the second half of the movie rolls along where we get into this generic love story BS as we stretch for ANY reason for the two falling in love to have a tift. I don't get this at all: I mean, the basic premise for why they are even fighting in "Hitch" is just so utterly ridiculous, I couldn't believe they were even going with it as the real reason. But they do so we take a half hour for couple to fight and then get back together. Hell, they might as well have made that last hour a dream sequence, cause it was a completely waste of time. Yeesh, very passable first half, painfully pointless second half...well, would ya looka there: **. 
A Dirty Shame -
Finally! After what seems like forever and a day, "A Dirty Shame" has finally been released!! Only problem is, the only version available to me was NOT cover box you see above but rather the horribly watered down "R-Rated (aka Neuter version)". Soooo...first the actual film: Completely fucked up Grade A John Waters stuff. Every is just great including Tracy Ullman who I usually don't care for at all. Johnny Knoxville and Selma Blair are fantastic, although Blair wasn't in the movie enough for my tastes. Even the soundtrack is just off the wall insanely brilliant. Now, don't get me wrong, as much as I loved finally getting able to see it, I don't think it's quiet on the same level as Waters other mainstream pics like "Serial Mom" and "Hairspray". BUT it is probably the best hybrid of the original Waters classics and the mainstream Waters classics, that any person could have done. **** Ok, now this R-rated version. Holy GAWD was this thing annoying. I understand having to trim some content to go from NC-17 to an R rating but the MPAA completely butchered this movie. I have NEVER see such an editing job to this extent. They removed virtually every curse word in the movie which leads to it looking like a Japanese film dubbed in English. Every use of the "F" word (and any mildly offensive off color language) is completely removed to the extent that this edited version could honestly get a PG-13 rating. Don't get me wrong, I love "South Park", but how in the hell did "South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut" get an R rating with all of it's language and this one gets an NC-17 is beyond me. THAT's how fucked up the MPAA is. I haven't heeled on that organization in a long time but damn, they are a complete and utter joke. Leave our damn movies alone and let the original director's vision LIVE. That's why we all go to film school. That's why we spend thousands on education. OUR education. To perfect our craft. We spend years and years practicing our art in order to be able to create a vision WE have in OUR mind. Not YOUR mind. Not for some political cooperation to take scissors to and castrate it. Fuck the MPAA. Fuck Full-screen movies. If you as a parent can't figure out by looking at the cover box of a "Dirty Shame" that it just MAY not be appropriate for kids, then you SUCK as a parent. That's why the MPAA exists: because they have to have a governing body that will excuse the fucking morons of this world. And on that note...love to all! Booya!
GRANT "STATMARK" SAWYER
<< Home