Losta movie reviews
As expected that last blog entry cause some ruckus to be sure. To clarify a few things...first off, I don't kiss and tell. If I get some action you ain't gonna read about it here because either a) it rocked my face off and I ain't gonna do ANYthing to risk not getting it later or b) I'm so horribly ashamed it happened I have no desire to spread the news to the world. So the "handjob" in question from the last entry was an actual hand massage of some kind that eased a nerve in my brain, which thereby reducing my pounding headache. Yeah, it was crazy to me too. But saying I got a handjob from Munkey's aunt was MUCH more amusing. So there's that.The other issue that arose following the last blog I'm gonna hold off on for now just cause it's the right thing to do. Haste = waste and now that my age is somewhere between the age of WrestleMania and the age of the SuperBowl with a zero at the end of it, I should probably act like it. Or not, but that provides me with a segue. I think the biggest "WHAM" in the face about this recent "hardcore porn-movie rating in roman numerals" age that I've turned isn't the overall feeling of "Fuck, I'm old". After all, I certainly don't look it. God may have not blessed me with the premier physique on earth, but he did hook me up on a little fountain of youth as far as the appearance goes so you better believe I'm gonna run with that for as long as I can. But the one thing that keeps popping in my head is that now that I've passed the infamous #, I feel like I'm living on borrowed time. Even back in high school, my friends would comment about how I'd never see such-and-such an age because of my eating habits (Hey God, props on the metabolism too there buddy). But seriously, I've had an amazingly good health record thus far and I just have that feeling that anything past 8/25/05 is just a bonus. I mean, I don't wanna keel over tomorrow, but now that I'm past that date, it just seems like "Well, if I do I do, I've had a good run". Every sneeze makes me a little more paranoid now, every migraine makes me worry a touch more. Not that I'm gonna be one of those people that go to the doctor every time they fart crooked, but I'm just more AWARE of everything now. Yes, to many, it may sound ridiculous even discussing such a topic at what realistically is, still a young age. That's just how I feel so if I have a brain aneurysm over the night, I guess I was on the right track after all. On the other hand, I could just as easily pull out another XXX out of my ass. Who knows and who really cares. I got through the regulation, now it's time to enjoy the overtime.
Man, I was watching my "NFL 2003" comp tape, gettin ready for the upcoming regular season and it made me realize that in retrospect, I honestly think 2003 may have well been the best overall year of football in my lifetime. Sure, every year has some incredible games and incredible moments, but just unbiasedly speaking, 2003 was freakin' off the charts. Obviously off the top you have The Patriots in the middle of their dynasty meeting the upstart Panthers in probably one of the top 5 SuperBowls ever played. Hell, the whole playoffs were incredible from Phily-GB "4th and 26", the Panthers-Rams double OT classic, the Pats having to survive the Titans and Colts, and IMO, what may become the most underrated playoff game in NFL history because it was only a Wild-card game between the Pack and Seahawks. Watched that sucker earlier today and MAN what a game that was. Then in the regular season, you had the incredible run of the Chiefs and Dante Hall only to be eventually stopped by the shocking Bengals, the greatest finish in NFL history if it had just meant anything between the Saints and Jags, the coming-out year for Peyton Manning which included the first REAL showdown with the Pats in the regular season which was decided on the final play, the Vikings collapse in week 17 against the Cardinals (which I just HAD to add to my favorite games in the sidebar here), all of those 4th quarter miracle Panthers games, the famous Monday Night Indy-Tampa game on Tony Dungy's birthday, the awesome Cheifs-Packers OT game in Lambeau, and so on and so forth. Not sure if any other hardcore football fans aside from Matty will even understand this paragraph, but I am curious if there are any other seasons that, on a whole (not just going by your favorite team or player) stand out as being what you feel is the #1 year in NFL history. Seriously, if I knew a non-football fan I would show them this comp tape in a heartbeat...kinda like showin the non-wrestling fan a NWA '89 comp.
Ok, catch up time on the DVDs and such reviews...
Lilo & Stitch 2 -
Stitch is actually like my favorite Disney character EVER bar none. Any cutsy lookin alien that loves Elvis gets an automatic "AWWWWWWWWWW" from me a heartbeat, no matter how girlie that may sound. Since this is one of Disney's direct-to-DVD movies, you know it's not even gonna be close to on par with the original, but at least they made the effort to go out and pay for some Elvis songs in order to keep that theme alive (which was SUCH a strong element in the first one, that they pretty much booked themselves into a corner on that one). Fun, enjoyable stuff that will tug at the heart strings a little as Disney MUST do in every film. Good likable cast of characters. Not close to a classic or nothin, but give me this collection any day over 99% of the other animated stuff out there. **3/4
Dave Chappelle - For What It's Worth
I don't know if it's because we've all been SO spoiled by Dave's greatness of his own show or what, but to me, this special fell totally flat and no where NEAR the standard Dave has set for himself. Prisoner of his own success, ya know? But even in comparison to his original comedy special back prior to Comedy Central, this one still doesn't hold up. Amusing at moments here and there but otherwise forgettable. I am afraid that the magician may be running out of tricks. *1/2
Silent Bob Speaks : The Collected Writings of Kevin Smith
Hey that's not a DVD! Yep, it's a BOOK. I read a mother fuckin' book. It happens once a year at VERY best. And I actually enjoy one even rarer than that. After Mick Foley and Brian Bosworth's autobiographies, it's a long long drop. Now, I'm not one of those crazed Kevin Smith marks. I love me some Mallrats but I find Clerks to be in the "Ok" range rather than an Indy masterpiece as some would shill it as. Anyways, the book is not as much of a book as it is a collection of articles he wrote for various newspapers all collected together (the equivalent of me releasing this blog as a book which ain't a bad idea really..I mean, I bet I could sell at least a dozen copies or so just to the workers that would want to spit on, defecate upon, or just burn it to the ground). Some of the chapters can drag when Smith goes outside of the element that endears him so much to the reader, mainly himself (just plain skip the Tom Cruise interview). But Smith's blunt personal observations serve to remind all of us that it's ok to talk about the last time you jerked off at the computer or the fact that you're the luckiest bastard in the world to persuade some poor women to actually put out now and then. I see some minor similarities between my writings and his (to say his are slightly more polished is an understatement, but it's his candor that I'm referring to). Now, I see a LOT of similarities between his style and Stutts to the point that on some pages, you could easily mistake it for Stutts' writings verbatim. Fun, entertaining read especially in sections. ***1/2
Guess Who-
Some good chemistry between Ashton and Bernie Mac early on but after you cross the hour mark, it goes from entertaining comedy to another dull, generic romance story. Why can't movies nowadays make up your mind as to what to be? Either go ALL the way in one direction (say, "The Notebook".....shudder) or ALL the way in other direction (say, "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle"). Otherwise, we're just half assing two genres and wasting everyone's time. *1/2
Infection-
Japanese film that got an American release thanks to movies like "Ringu" hitting it big here in the states. First off, I love the Japanese style and I'll watch one of their movies just so I can dream about how much I'd love to have hair like THAT. "Infection" is creepy enough although it's actually TOO psychologically creepy as it keeps dragging you along for the ride without giving any kind of real serious minor payoffs along the way to keep you truly enthralled. And then there's the ending which is just WAY the hell out there and fuck if I understood it. If you like the style, then it's worth a look I guess. If not, then you are seriously gonna hate it. **
Six Feet Under, the Complete Fourth Season-
Wow, I had forgotten just how incredibly good this show was. See, I don't believe in HBO. And I don't mean in the Winterstein "I don't believe in Homosexuals because I've never met one" kinda way. I mean, I just don't believe in paying $20 or whatever a month for a TV station that essentially shows reruns all day long of the same show. TV Land I'm cool with cause they have about a zillion shows and you ain't gonna get the same episode of Cheers three times in one day. But you better believe HBO will show you the same Jennifer Aniston crap-fest three times in one day. The only good thing they have going IS their original programming and Six Feet Under is right at he top of that list. The writing is just incredibly original and aside from one "what the fuck?" show in which David gets kidnapped for like the whole episode, it's an awesome season. Plenty of drugs, sex, alternative lifestyles, and dead people. What more do ya want? ****1/4
Dukes of Hazzard - The Complete Fourth Season -
I've ALWAYS loved the Dukes and I've ranted before here in the blog how it was one of the pivotal shows of my childhood. With that being said, it's actually been years since I've been able to sit down and truly watch and appreciate it. Let me tell ya, it's just as funny and enjoyable now, if not MORE so, than it was when I watched it as a child. The chemistry between Rosco and Boss Hogg is just off the charts and the genuine camaraderie between the entire cast just makes it feel so REAL. This show did a tremendous job of doing the little things right. Whether it be a little ad lib here or there or a hand gesture or the movement of the eyes, they had mastered what needed to be done to make the audience believe this place was real and these people were real. How many shows nowdays can say that? Watching these episodes is just like a flood of memories coming back, from my beloved "Double Dukes" episode, to Luke turning heel and trying to destroy the General Lee, to Uncle Jesse's coma. Man, Season 4 kicked ass. Hours of hours of nonstop entertaining...27 episodes mind you, back when a season WAS a season, not these pussy 13-episode seasons they have nowadays. ****1/2, ***** for personal nostalgia.
Sin City-
Watching "Sin City" I was almost taken aback so much that I couldn't enjoy it. It's just SO much to absorb but in the days that followed, my opinion of the movie began to grow and grow. I'm willing to bet that if people go back and think about their very, very first initial impressions of "Pulp Fiction", they'd feel very similar. They knew they had watched something unique but until they sorted everything out in their head and reflected on it, you couldn't really enjoy what you had just seen. And that's how I felt about "Sin City". Now that I've had a chance for the story to sink in and look back on those fuckin' visuals (!!!!), make no mistake, this was a classic. Maybe not in the classic sense...maybe revolutionary would be a more appropriate term. Incredible acting and as faithful to a comic book as any movie ever could be. Even if you end up hating it, a movie everyone should at least witness once in their life. Just to know what is truly possible. ****
GRANT "STATMARK" SAWYER
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